That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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