I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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