do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
