The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
