It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
