How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
