the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
