He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
