Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
