so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
