If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
