I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
