Pappa wants mamma naked
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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