im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
