I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
