while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
