who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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