I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
