woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
