R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
