I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
