Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
