last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
