she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
