I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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