I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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