Your face is a jimmy john
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
