we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
