Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Drunk is a universal language darling
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
