im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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