he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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