Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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