Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
