I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
