Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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