quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
