he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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