Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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