Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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