Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
