And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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