My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
