a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
third nipple confirmed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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