Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
