Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
