No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
