a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
