what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
