i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
