They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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