what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
