And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
