How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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